Ahead of the Spring Equinox--The Benefits of Beginning Again

I was recently asked my thoughts on building confidence. For the first time I was a bit nervous to admit something; there has not been a single day in my life where I lacked confidence. My mother often quips that I was born confident. While she is likely correct, I am sharing this without a trace of hubris. I cannot recall a time in my life that I felt as if I took up too much space or that it might be better for me to play it safely. Except, in this room full of vulnerable individuals, it felt odd to admit that I had never been in their shoes. I knew that I wanted to add something substantive to the conversation, so I raised my virtual hand and said, "I think the key to building confidence is simple. Never abandon self-discovery, find safety in continuously getting to know yourself." I realized something very important in that moment—to lessen fear of a thing, group, place, person; one must remain adaptable. My confidence is dual natured, equal parts unwavering trust in my own voice and lack of fear surrounding my identity.  

If you read that first paragraph along with the title of this post and feel confused about what any of this has to do with the upcoming Spring Equinox on March 20^th, I gently urge you to explore curiosity that so freely comes to us as children but often escapes us in adulthood.  Since I am also not a gatekeeper, I will give you some insight here as well.  Equinoxes are semi-annual astronomical events where the Sun and celestial equator intersect, thus day and night are equal lengths. The Spring equinox brings its own sort of balance when we analyze the general theme of the season. Spring is often associated with rebirth, renewal, and new beginnings.  A universal time associated with duality, self-awareness, and ability to adapt.  

While we never need permission to apply certain themes in our lives, it can be helpful when society provides us with cyclical opportunities to revisit these themes, which are often a core part of how we evaluate ourselves.  We have seen it throughout our entire lives – spring cleaning, planting seeds, nature walks, and outdoor events with friends. If you live in a northeastern metropolitan area, spring is often the first season where you can plan to meet your friends at a rooftop bar after being sequestered away from them for the harsh winter months. Stand in that moment—leaving work on time, sunlight still strong, and the buzz of joyful conversations heard on the street. You feel lighter; there is this mix of serenity and anticipation that is unmatched. I often joke with friends that life finally feels worth living again. To analyze that feeling a bit more closely, it is probably more accurate to say that anything feels possible in those moments. So, what should we do with that feeling? 

Apply it. To every area of your life—personally, professionally, romantically, spiritually. Recognize that limits are self-imposed and therefore can be easily undone by the individual in control of the narrative—you. As I mentioned in my previous post, I struggled a lot with my own narrative when I turned thirty.  I would catch myself starting down the path of, “but I am too old for that”. Quickly, I registered that voice as foreign, one dripping with self-doubt and without my usual confidence. Even as a self-proclaimed confidence aficionado (this is said in jest) I found myself buying into the idea that curiosity and new beginnings expired at a certain age. I realized that I had allowed my environment to have an undue influence on my sense of self-worth. I started telling myself all the things that I should have accomplished by now and measuring my success against that of my peers.  This led to me creating constraints, deciding to prioritize activities and interests which would “benefit” advancement in one area of my life while completely abandoning the version of myself that was responsible for the success I had already obtained. I felt depleted, competitive (if you know me, you know I hate this), and resentful.  

The cure? I went shopping.  This might seem banal however, there are a few reasons this changed my mindset. First, I did not take the trip alone. I took a dear friend, and we planned an entire outing around upgrading our wardrobes and trying new things style wise. Aside from the items that we purchased, we spent the day laughing, eating and enjoying each other’s company.  We are both busy women and it had been so long since we were able to do something meaningful while simply enjoying girlhood.  Secondly, I did not arbitrarily buy things that I did not need. I had spent time before the outing assembling a personal style guide and curating looks that embody the parts of my personality that deserved to be showcased. My boldness, my wit, my confidence are all facets of my character which I would be naked without. Finding pieces that mirrored this felt reaffirming and healing especially after feeling off-kilter for a brief period. Lastly, there was an obscene number of mirrors.  I say this somewhat jokingly however, I had hours upon hours to simply look at myself while trying on clothes. It afforded me the opportunity to really look at myself and learn new things about my body.  I realized I was a woman now—one with agency, refined taste, and a hell of a lot more experience than previous versions of myself.  It allowed me to fall in love with myself all over again and to make room for the new me who was just dying to burst through. 

So, what could have been brushed off as a frivolous little shopping trip became a catalyst of rebirth aided by community, curiosity, and self-love. As mentioned at the outset, I am sharing this with the hope that my journey will implore you to reimagine the relationship that you have with yourself and remind you that the key to confidence is almost always internal.  Try that class, scrap anything that no longer serves, and remember that you can always begin again.  If you have reservations, remember that this is supported by science—the Earth undergoes rebirth each year, shouldn’t you?